To give, or not to give..

Charity: the kindness of strangers, the good Samaritan, Santa Claus, a basic goodness in the world that makes life bearable in unbearable times. I just finished reading a book entitled “The Road”. An post-apocalyptic world where a father son team traverse the disconsolate and most the time frightening highways and byways in search of hope, food, answers, anything that will make their existence last a bit longer. The main search for “the man” is food, sustenance, safety and yet the exigency of unknown peril always causes him to keep moving (even within the one time he finds an overabundance of everything he’s sought). Uncertain jeopardy causes him to only consider his son whom he is always trying to protect. A motive I can empathize with being a father. Nothing in the world is as important to me as the safety of my family. And yet, The man’s son is always more concerned about “carrying the light,” he has a special kind of compassion for those he meets on the road. The son worries about more than just surviving. He wants something to live for, not to just make it to the next day. More intriguing is that, near the end of the story the son doesn’t want to hear anymore of his father’s stories with happy endings where the good guys win and help the needy: when the moral of the story is lost on their own existence.

I’ve known some extremely generous people in my life and some not so generous. In fact, let me toot some of their horns: my friends Matt and Mel who are never afraid of a little hard work and always help us move, going above and beyond, always staying till the very last stitch is put away. My friend Stephen who is kindly helping me fix my computer (the very last one he is doing before retiring from that line of work) who simultaneously decided out of the blue to build a entirely new system free of charge. There are also those who give in minuscule ways that essentially make a world of difference to the recipient: like the waiter at 1500 Ocean, he went out of his way to help my new fiancé and I with a quick photo shoot outside the restaurant (after I had already tipped him). My now wife who always refuses to wake me up, to take care of Davin, in the dead of night because she wants me to have a good night’s sleep. Recently, the lady in Idaho whom instead of being annoyed with my son, Dean, on the playground when wanted so badly to swing, put him on the swing and pushed him for twenty minutes as I played with Nate on the slides and the gentleman who took over for her. If I sat here long enough, I could write endless pages of examples and single out the kindness of various individuals, but you get the point, and I know when you read those things, part of you goes, “Aww,” or some reaction akin to the warm fuzzies..

To give, or not to give: that is the question. Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to give freely of one’s time or perchance to part with thine own resources . . . Either way giving makes life not just more bearable for the recipient but for the bearer (or witnesses) of such goodness as well. I believe that giving, in whatever form you allow it to be, enriches your life as well as the person to whom you give. In other words, it is better to give than receive, but both are good times. Giving to others doesn’t make you a saint or a better candidate for heaven or anything of the sort. It can make a difference, but overall, it’s just something that makes you feel good. I believe in giving, it’s my way and sometimes “my ways” drive my wife crazy. Not because she isn’t generous herself, she is abundantly more charitable, although she doesn’t always agree with my methods, like giving random strangers money. Of course I see her point and if I didn’t, it was illustrated right in front of us as I gave a destitute man, in front of Subway where we were lunching, five dollars and that man literally turned around and bought some drugs with that money. And yet, as I told my wife, the gift is between God and I, what they do with it is between God and them.

I choose not to worry about the end result, and maybe that’s what’s wrong with our country, that we habitually give to those in privation without worrying about the end result. A vast assortment of Uncle Sam’s programs are based on need and a multifarious horde of plebeians take advantage of the system simply because they can. Nevertheless, I additionally believe in a sort of karma, that those who live by the sword die by the sword, that folk who spend their entire pilgrimage scamming others do in the end receive their just desserts. And yet I am not completely naïve. I do have a fair amount of discernment in who I give to, even if five dollars is a lowly sum, it is good to use a fair amount acumen. And in so doing when you recognize a person in what you consider to be true need, help them if able, and if you are wrong you’re wrong. Don’t lose any sleep over it, simply take heart in the ones you’ve actually helped. The Bible (that old dusty book somewhere in the attic) says: “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” Speaking of some in the day that were taking advantage of another’s kindness, but it also goes on to say in the same chapter, “never tire of doing what is right.” Of course welfare reform and other ideas that do not squander our means to then be able help those in dire straits by not spending it on the scam artists is never a bad thing. On the other hand, it is never wrong if we help someone in need and not just pass them by, not just look out for ourselves, not just tell stories about doing good and do good ourselves, to do unto others as we would want people to do for us, well, you get the picture.. such goodness improves the quality of life, it makes life worth living, it makes life more than something we do to merely pass the time until we die.

Or we can merely believe that, “Life is pain [and] anyone who says differently is selling something.” What can I say? True story, life is pain. Then we might ask ourselves as Hamlet would ask, why do we continue living when life’s list of torments is so vast? Are there reasons to continue the journey, to keep traversing in such a cold cruel world? Is it the fear of the unknown that stops us from ending our misery, that stops us from being who we want to be, that causes us to simply put up with our lives. That engender us to crawl up in our shell, that makes a man look at his wife and kids and say to the rest of the world, “us four and no more.” To me, the sentiment, life is pain, is all the more reason to be the good Samaritan. *steps off his soapbox* Is it really so hyperbole as to say it will be the end of civilization if we turn our backs on kindness, hell if I know? But I do know that kindness makes the world a much better place. I guess you could say my philosophy is: it is sometimes better to be the fool to some to be a hope to many.

That is all.

1 Comment

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  By DeWitt, October 16, 2009 @ 8:54 am

  Thumbs up, Random.

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